With nothing left to say

March 26, 2009 at 1:30 pm (Life) (, , )

I am careful with my web presence. I don’t discuss in great detail my life, the people in my life and I certainly do not discuss my job. So really what else is to talk about. I went to a seminar today and the question keeps coming up, who cares? When using platforms like Twitter does anyone really care what you have to say (I do have a Twitter account  too). Why read my blog? Do you care what I think about the traffic situation or how fighting internal demons (my weight) changes my life? The thing is I ask these question but i am apart of the culture that does seem to care. I have accounts on the web, I feel disconnected if I don’t check them. I get most of my news and statistics for work on the web. However, when I try to answer the question for myself I draw a blank.

Why do I have a Twitter account? Originally it was to better understand the medium and see if any of my clients could utilize it. Now that I have a handle on it and use it frequently I find myself following others in my field, in the field I admire and news outlets. Twitter has allowed me to keep up on the latest trends and news. I do wonder why anyone would follow me but who am I to judge.

Why do I have a Digg account? Same as Twitter except I find it a bit confusing and generally not interested in what is there.

Why do I have a Wikipedia account? Easy I found out some of our clients had entries and decided to ensure that the entries were correct, linked back to their website and was in the same voice as their website. This way the message is consistant.

Why do I have a LinkedIn page? Funny thing, I started the account so I could read a person’s profile that I was writing a press release about. Now I use it to ask broad questions in my field and try to network with other professionals.

Why do I have a Myspace page and a Facebook page? Both were because some friends were there and I wanted to communicate with them . Both of these are personal pages, I try very hard to keep my professional and personal life separate.

Finally why did I start a blog? I like to write and some days the thoughts just build up in the head and need to be sacrificed to the page(screen). I don’t think anyone follows this. I follow a few blogs but they tend to be again professionals in my field or professionals in a field that I will need help with one day.

And with that I don’t think I have anything else to say today.

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No reason

March 19, 2009 at 9:26 am (Life) ()

Last night attended a class on buying a house. It was very overwhelming but I am determined to do this and to do it this year. My only real fear is do we have enough money coming in to afford this investment. At the gym I got to witness what waking up on the wrong side looks like. While in the shower, a girl on the other side kept hurumphing and even said “get out of the shower already” she continued with this attitude and I must say it made me want to stay in longer. Besides I was having my own bad morning, I for to grab hair gel or hair spray and so I am a giant ball of frizz. But it was no one’s fault but mine. Today I maxed out at 3.7 speed and incline of 3.5. Oh and my debit card isn’t working for some reason, luckily I have my check book and some cash on me! This weekend we are going away to PA to see a comedian and I am more excited about getting away than I am about the show. Vacation is soon, I think maybe.

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One more time with gusto!

March 17, 2009 at 10:02 am (Diet) ()

I hate being a woman some days. Women are obsessed with their weight and physical image. I was never a beautiful girl growing up, but I was pretty. I’m short and what they called athletic build (nice way of saying big). I was never into makeup, I hated doing my hair (took too long to do) and I detested skirts/dresses and my weight fluctuated daily. In high school I ran to keep healthy and well I was bored. Entering Freshman Year College I was 125lbs (thank you mono). Then the infamous college pounds, along with the too comfortable in a new relationship pounds, the changing medications pounds and suddenly I was 5’4″ and 192lbs. I have since been on numerous diets, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, La Weghtloss, Nutra System, Dexatrim, Calorie counting, Fat counting, South Beach etc… I tried weight loss pills even prescription ones – Meridia. The lowest I have now seen is 168lbs. Currently I am somewhere around 174 I think… I don’t complain about my weight to anyone I never say “Oh man I am so fat.” or “I can’t eat that because it will just make me look fat” I never discuss with anyone what the number on the scale says. In fact I hate women who say oh my I gained 2lbs now I have to go to the gym. I don’t feed into them I never respond with the “no your not fat. you look great” Thats what they want. My body is my business.

Thing is I am going to be 29 this year. I look in the mirror and I’m not happy. In Fact I’m not comfortable in my body. I used to be able to look in the mirror and say yes I am pretty. I think I have finally found a medication that will not influence my weight and it is working. I believe my depression is now in check. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years. He loved me then, he loves me know. So here it is. My goal is not in numbers or compliments My goal is to be able to look in the mirror and be able to say again I am pretty. (I don’t think I’m ugly, I would say I’m ok)

Today I woke up and went to the gym before work. I walked for 25min on the treadmill with an increasing incline maxing out at 2.5 and a max speed of 3.7. I had my coffee. I ate some cereal. I had a granola bar. Lunch will be oatmeal and an apple. Tonight I am getting my hair done. I will reach this goal and it is no one’s business after this how many pounds I lose. What matters is being healthy-eating right and exercising and being able to look in the mirror and feel pretty again!

 

From Tulip Fest in Albany, NY

From Tulip Fest in Albany, NY

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The Bridge Effect

March 16, 2009 at 1:02 pm (Work) ()

Every day I drive along the highway and witness what can only be called the “Bridge effect”. Basically traffic is moving along and all of a sudden…there is a a bridge and everyone slows down and brakes. Thus the ripple effect that what once was an average speed of 70 is now 30 (sometimes a full stand still) until after you have passed this bridge. It is very frustrating because this bridge has been there for many, many years and as far as I am aware is not very picturesque. I thought for awhile maybe people were afraid it was in disrepair, but its not. Somedays I wonder if the first person to break that day realizes what a backup they have created. Do they even care that because of them my 20min drive is now 50min! I will never know.

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Where to start

March 4, 2009 at 8:15 pm (Life) (, )

When you try to think about your past things can be a bit hazy. You fill parts in, but aren’t sure how far is truth and how far is fiction. I look back and try to remember events or even a sequence of events from parts of my past and find it hard distinguish the fact from filler or see any of it in the darkness. I have vague memories of living in a trailer park. Going to friends trailers and hanging out. I remember watching the clouds. I remember staying up waiting for my dad to come home to tuck me into bed. We moved and things get very blurry. 

We lived in our families camp for a bit, we lived in a motel for a few months too. We lived in an apartment for a few years and I have more memories there. Some of which I wish I didn’t remember. We bought a house and strangely the memories from there until college get very hazy. I know I wasn’t happy and part of the desire and push to go to college was to leave my house.

At college I worked in the theatre and wish I had never left. I worked under the table doing cottage work for a local store too. Out of fear and laziness I got an internship with a newspaper one summer in my hometown. I claimed to know the computer programs they were talking about and soon I was working. I learned quickly and found I excelled at editing and design but I was miserable. Yet, every summer and break I went back to work there and after graduation I worked there too. Luckily, I found a job with a theatre, and quickly found out it was only a summer job. I waited on tables and soon found a job similar tot he paper but with better hours. I was happy there in the beginning, there was so much to learn and absorb. It wasn’t long before I had learned the programs, been promoted and found there was no more to do except leave. I tried my hand as a scheduling coordinator at a law firm, then I fell into marketing.

I have been told since I was 21 that I am getting old and should start having a family. I thought that was a bit harsh. I am young and have plenty of time. Plus, I admit I come from a generation that believes a woman doesn’t have to put her career on hold for her family. I am just starting to get the hang of taking care of myself now and I am thankful I did not drag a child into this. Why are people so impatient when it comes to other peoples lives. I rushed through so much growing up let me enjoy this time as me before I become a wife and a mother. Right now, I am proud that I no longer have a black thumb. In fact, my apartment is a jungle of different plants and most recently I bought a fish tank and some fish and they are still alive! I think I am doing very well I can keep a job, pay my bills, feed myself plus feed plants and fish. One day I will add more to this equation until then leave me with my hazy memories.

The only flower I saw while driving in the Badlands of North Dakota.

The only flower I saw while driving in the Badlands of North Dakota Summer 2008.

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