Where to start

March 4, 2009 at 8:15 pm (Life) (, )

When you try to think about your past things can be a bit hazy. You fill parts in, but aren’t sure how far is truth and how far is fiction. I look back and try to remember events or even a sequence of events from parts of my past and find it hard distinguish the fact from filler or see any of it in the darkness. I have vague memories of living in a trailer park. Going to friends trailers and hanging out. I remember watching the clouds. I remember staying up waiting for my dad to come home to tuck me into bed. We moved and things get very blurry. 

We lived in our families camp for a bit, we lived in a motel for a few months too. We lived in an apartment for a few years and I have more memories there. Some of which I wish I didn’t remember. We bought a house and strangely the memories from there until college get very hazy. I know I wasn’t happy and part of the desire and push to go to college was to leave my house.

At college I worked in the theatre and wish I had never left. I worked under the table doing cottage work for a local store too. Out of fear and laziness I got an internship with a newspaper one summer in my hometown. I claimed to know the computer programs they were talking about and soon I was working. I learned quickly and found I excelled at editing and design but I was miserable. Yet, every summer and break I went back to work there and after graduation I worked there too. Luckily, I found a job with a theatre, and quickly found out it was only a summer job. I waited on tables and soon found a job similar tot he paper but with better hours. I was happy there in the beginning, there was so much to learn and absorb. It wasn’t long before I had learned the programs, been promoted and found there was no more to do except leave. I tried my hand as a scheduling coordinator at a law firm, then I fell into marketing.

I have been told since I was 21 that I am getting old and should start having a family. I thought that was a bit harsh. I am young and have plenty of time. Plus, I admit I come from a generation that believes a woman doesn’t have to put her career on hold for her family. I am just starting to get the hang of taking care of myself now and I am thankful I did not drag a child into this. Why are people so impatient when it comes to other peoples lives. I rushed through so much growing up let me enjoy this time as me before I become a wife and a mother. Right now, I am proud that I no longer have a black thumb. In fact, my apartment is a jungle of different plants and most recently I bought a fish tank and some fish and they are still alive! I think I am doing very well I can keep a job, pay my bills, feed myself plus feed plants and fish. One day I will add more to this equation until then leave me with my hazy memories.

The only flower I saw while driving in the Badlands of North Dakota.

The only flower I saw while driving in the Badlands of North Dakota Summer 2008.


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