One more time with gusto!

March 17, 2009 at 10:02 am (Diet) ()

I hate being a woman some days. Women are obsessed with their weight and physical image. I was never a beautiful girl growing up, but I was pretty. I’m short and what they called athletic build (nice way of saying big). I was never into makeup, I hated doing my hair (took too long to do) and I detested skirts/dresses and my weight fluctuated daily. In high school I ran to keep healthy and well I was bored. Entering Freshman Year College I was 125lbs (thank you mono). Then the infamous college pounds, along with the too comfortable in a new relationship pounds, the changing medications pounds and suddenly I was 5’4″ and 192lbs. I have since been on numerous diets, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, La Weghtloss, Nutra System, Dexatrim, Calorie counting, Fat counting, South Beach etc… I tried weight loss pills even prescription ones – Meridia. The lowest I have now seen is 168lbs. Currently I am somewhere around 174 I think… I don’t complain about my weight to anyone I never say “Oh man I am so fat.” or “I can’t eat that because it will just make me look fat” I never discuss with anyone what the number on the scale says. In fact I hate women who say oh my I gained 2lbs now I have to go to the gym. I don’t feed into them I never respond with the “no your not fat. you look great” Thats what they want. My body is my business.

Thing is I am going to be 29 this year. I look in the mirror and I’m not happy. In Fact I’m not comfortable in my body. I used to be able to look in the mirror and say yes I am pretty. I think I have finally found a medication that will not influence my weight and it is working. I believe my depression is now in check. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years. He loved me then, he loves me know. So here it is. My goal is not in numbers or compliments My goal is to be able to look in the mirror and be able to say again I am pretty. (I don’t think I’m ugly, I would say I’m ok)

Today I woke up and went to the gym before work. I walked for 25min on the treadmill with an increasing incline maxing out at 2.5 and a max speed of 3.7. I had my coffee. I ate some cereal. I had a granola bar. Lunch will be oatmeal and an apple. Tonight I am getting my hair done. I will reach this goal and it is no one’s business after this how many pounds I lose. What matters is being healthy-eating right and exercising and being able to look in the mirror and feel pretty again!

 

From Tulip Fest in Albany, NY

From Tulip Fest in Albany, NY

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