Depression takes its toll

April 16, 2010 at 2:23 pm (Life) (, )

I was doing very and was so proud of myself. I had lost almost 40lbs. Then I got sick. Laryngitis, fever etc. I broke the diet. Now so close to the end goal I am fighting to stay on track. So tired of the rules and restrictions. Tired of having to plan each and every meal out in advance. I don’t want to gain it all back but the cold did me in and during that time there were fights, and the darkness that creeps in sometimes. I don’t want to ask to up my meds because I will have to go off them when I want to get pregnant.  I need to find the strength to dig, to exercise and find the smile. Why do things have to be complicated why can’t we just relax and have fun. The difference between being a bride and wife. The bride plans and the wife enjoys the afterglow. I hate planning. I used to hate shopping but now I’m torn between liking it and having no money.

I’m almost 30 and still have no idea what I want for a career.


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